Some of you have read the first edition of this, but I'm off to Hawaii today so I thought it was apropos. Aloha!
Dear TSA,
I want to thank you for the fine job you're doing keeping our country safe from the terrorists that are every day trying to sneak onto our airplanes and destroy our lives. I was particularly impressed with the TSA agent in Philadelphia who threw away my $20 water bottle because of the two inches of liquid left in it. My offer to drink the offending liquid was clearly a bluff, and he did not succumb to my feminine wiles. I'm sure all of the passengers on that flight would join me in thanking you for your diligence in ferreting out real threats to our national security.
I'm afraid, though, that your latest attempt at security--the full body scanner--is simply not adequate. If we have learned anything, it's that people determined to terrorize will heartlessly figure out a way around our technology. So rather than waiting for someone to fool the full body scanner, allow me to propose what I believe will be an eventuality anyway: nude flights. This is clearly the only way for us to really be safe. If all passengers simply pack their clothes away upon entering the airport and remain nude until receiving a blanket on the plane (for a small fee, of course) then we can all breathe a little easier knowing that the person next to us has nothing to hide.
There may be some concern that this is a gross violation of personal privacy, but I do not believe you have much to worry about there. Some people may protest, some people may even threaten to stop flying altogether, but the vast majority of American citizens will see the reasonableness of, and necessity for, this plan and will be more than willing to give up a little of their freedom to secure their safety.
I am confident that you will see the wisdom of this plan and look forward to seeing its implementation (especially since I usually travel with my husband, and he's been working out!).
Sincerely,
Cyra Benedict
Dear TSA,
I want to thank you for the fine job you're doing keeping our country safe from the terrorists that are every day trying to sneak onto our airplanes and destroy our lives. I was particularly impressed with the TSA agent in Philadelphia who threw away my $20 water bottle because of the two inches of liquid left in it. My offer to drink the offending liquid was clearly a bluff, and he did not succumb to my feminine wiles. I'm sure all of the passengers on that flight would join me in thanking you for your diligence in ferreting out real threats to our national security.
I'm afraid, though, that your latest attempt at security--the full body scanner--is simply not adequate. If we have learned anything, it's that people determined to terrorize will heartlessly figure out a way around our technology. So rather than waiting for someone to fool the full body scanner, allow me to propose what I believe will be an eventuality anyway: nude flights. This is clearly the only way for us to really be safe. If all passengers simply pack their clothes away upon entering the airport and remain nude until receiving a blanket on the plane (for a small fee, of course) then we can all breathe a little easier knowing that the person next to us has nothing to hide.
There may be some concern that this is a gross violation of personal privacy, but I do not believe you have much to worry about there. Some people may protest, some people may even threaten to stop flying altogether, but the vast majority of American citizens will see the reasonableness of, and necessity for, this plan and will be more than willing to give up a little of their freedom to secure their safety.
I am confident that you will see the wisdom of this plan and look forward to seeing its implementation (especially since I usually travel with my husband, and he's been working out!).
Sincerely,
Cyra Benedict
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